“Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
proverbs 18:21
and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
I remember one of the most hopeless seasons in my life. I felt despair at the thought of living through another day of uncertainty and sadness. I couldn’t imagine trying to put on a happy face free from mascara stains in order to homeschool my kids.
I’m so thankful for the people who took my hand and sat with me in my hopeless feelings, listened to my frustration and prayed for me in my presence. They didn’t just tell me to have hope, they showed me how to have it. They listened and spoke words of hope by reminding me of truth and God’s past work in my life and in the lives of others.
Hope is not just a wish that magically gets granted when we just decide to have it.
It’s a gift that comes with the hard work of intentional recalling. It returns when we think it’s abandoned us through the help of good friends walking through the darkness with us.
It is the ability to see a way forward and a confident expectation that God will work for your good in the seeming hopelessness of your circumstances.
This hope is based on the faith that we have in God’s character as we have seen Him work on our behalf in the past.
While lasting hope must be rooted in God’s character, we can help ourselves and others get nourished with hopeful words. Like planting seeds in a garden, we can plant words of hope. Just as we can’t offer the life-giving water and sunshine, We are not the ultimate life-giver of hope, but without human intentionality, actions and coming alongside, hope fades and withers up.
“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”
Proverbs 16:24
There are some words and phrases I’ve come to understand are not helpful for most people to hear. It’s my prayer that I won’t find myself saying them!
“You’ll get over it.”
“Just be positive…think good thoughts!”
“Good vibes only!”
“Stop being so negative!”
“See the good in everything!”
Perhaps you’ve known the empty feeling in the heart when these words are heard. We are not the ultimate source of hope, but it is true, life is in the power of the tongue!
We can help bring people towards hope through a compassionate presence and validating their feelings. We can remind people of a way forward when they feel or believe there is no way forward.
Here are some other options that may require time and the action of listening and walking alongside if they are spoken.
“This is hard. You’ve done hard things before and I believe in you.”
“I know there’s a lot that could go wrong. What could go right?”
“It’s pretty normal to feel some negative emotions in this situation.”
“It’s probably really hard to see any good in this situation. Let’s see if we can walk through this together.”
These phrases help me feel that my feelings are valid and that I have a strong shoulder to lean on. They help a hurting person sense that the listener wants to be there for them.
Do you have strengthening words that you have either received or given? Please share them in the comments!
Do you struggle with knowing what to say when someone is hurting? Sometimes, it feels like there are just no words. I’ve found lament to be one way of ministering to others and myself in difficult moments when words are hard to find. It provides a biblical way to validate how someone feels while also turning to the Lord and remembering His goodness. It’s a practical way to strengthen your soul or the soul of someone you are ministering to.
“Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.”
Proverbs 25:11
Lament has been a life-changer for me. It’s given me a biblical way to process minor frustrations as well as pain, loss, and life’s greatest sorrows. Would you like to learn more about lament? I’m having a drawing from my e-mail newsletter list on May 1st! Sign up before May 1st for a chance to win Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament, by Mark Vroegop. All of my subscribers will be entered!
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If you are experiencing pain, loss, frustration, or sorrow and are interested in working through the process of lament, I would love to work with you on that. I offer affordable coaching to women including free initial consultation.
amy@wastelandtograceland.com
I’m linking up this week with these awesome bloggers:
Amy this is so true. My one Word 2022 is Intentional. Intentional recalling is so important. Thank you for providing unhelpful and helpful things to say. I have heard those unhelpful comments by people about my chronic illnesses. Thank you for this encouragement.
What a great word, Paula! I’m sorry you’ve heard some of those unhelpful phrases. When I hear them, I think they help me to learn how to speak more wisely. I still have a lot of things to learn in this area. I know the Lord will use your experience to help others have hope!
Amy, this is such a wonderful and helpful post. Proverbs 25:11 has been a verse I have prayed when I am in a conversation and don’t quite know what to say. May our words be life-giving, hope-filled, and point others to Jesus. We never forget those people whose words sustained us when most needed.
Such a good scripture to keep in our hearts! I’m sure you’ve found it helpful! Isn’t that the truth—I remember those moments when people have offered me words of life. So thankful for that.
Amy I think you hit on an important element of helping others have hope in hard places. It’s more than telling someone how to have hope, it’s showing them how to live a hope-filled life. That takes time and intention to encourage one another with hope!
Time and intention—so hard to offer in this fast-paced world. So worth it when we do it. Thanks, Donna!
“It’s a gift that comes with the hard work of intentional recalling. It returns when we think it’s abandoned us through the help of good friends walking through the darkness with us.”
I’m so grateful for the ability to do “intentional recalling” and also for having wonderful friends who walk alongside me. Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of hope!
Amen! Thanks for visiting, Lisa!